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"Si stava meglio quando Francekka non c'era".
Sono arrivate così, dopo due mesi di convivenza con la piccolina.
Borbottate a bassa voce mentre sembrava impegnato solo a guardare i cartoni, eppure pesanti come il macigno che in tv stava piombando in testa a Willie Coyote.
Poche parole capaci di far rinascere tutti i dubbi che mi avevano accompagnato durante la gravidanza: per nove mesi avevo temuto il cambiamento, la rottura del nostro idilliaco equilibrio a tre, mi ero chiesta come avremmo affrontato la novità e, per essere del tutto, dolorosamente, sincera, avevo avuto una fifa boia di aver compiuto un passo di cui mi sarei pentita.
"Si stava meglio quando Francekka non c'era".
Ecco.
Pensarlo ora, mentre la mia bimba di burro mi sorride e mi acchiappa per sbavarmi tutta la faccia con passione, mi sembra una follia.
Completamente rapita, innamorata e conquistata da questa solare e radiosa biondina, semplicemente non posso più pensare alla mia vita senza di lei.
Ma per Puki è giustamente molto più complicato di così.
Il giorno dopo il commento destinato a risvegliare chili di paranoie, ho trovato i miei piccoli intenti a farsi le coccole dietro al divano: Puki accarezzava piano la testa della bimba che gli sorrideva, completamente rapita.
È così che mio figlio si sta lentamente e faticosamente trasformando in un fratello maggiore: certi giorni è completamente sereno, sicuro di sè e iperprotettivo con la nuova arrivata, con un piglio così proprio del suo carattere da farci per un attimo abbassare la guardia.
Ovviamente, è proprio quello il momento in cui, all'improvviso, si rimette tutto in discussione.
Insomma, si procede spediti e diritti finchè un ostacolo improvviso non obbliga a cambiare rotta, a modificare un percorso che sembrava finalmente semplice e veloce per cercare nuove strade, diverse soluzioni.
"Sembra di vivere in un labirinto", borbotto con mio marito.
"Che roba è un labiri... che?"
"Un labirinto, Puki, è un percorso zeppo di ostacoli che bisogna affrontare con calma e astuzia per trovare la via d'uscita"
"Forte! Giochiamoci!"
Ecco una valida idea!
Se c'è una cosa di cui sono certa è che la mia famiglia funziona meglio quando affronta le cose con un pizzico di autoironia e badilate di leggerezza!
Così usciamo dal fumoso mondo delle metafore e approfittiamo del sonnellino di Francekka per stare un po' insieme. E per giocarci su!
"Io prendo le cannucce e la scatola delle tue scarpe nuove, tu cerca la pallina che lanciavi alla gatta stamattina".
"E poi?"
"Poi tagliuzza le cannucce in pezzetti di diverse lunghezze: le incolleremo sul fondo della scatola a formare un percorso e il labirinto sarà pronto! Vedi, se chiudiamo il coperchio diventa un gioco facile da portarsi dietro, che dici?"
"È facile finire 'sto labiritrinto!"
È la stessa cosa che comincio a sperare anche io, piccoletto.
... come ti capisco! io ho il vantaggio/svantaggio di due femmine a distanza di tre anni, per me più che un labirinto, la sensazione era quella dell'altalena: Dopo il primo idillio fra le due (piccola in fase dormo, latte, dormo) siamo entrare in fase "voglio essere anch'io piccola". Ora che la piccola ha un anno e mezzo stanno cominciando ad interagire di più... vediamo il prossimo passo!
RispondiEliminaFederica, è che ci vuole tanta di quella pazienza per gestire sta storia dei due passi avanti, due indietro, una piroetta a sinistra, un balzo a destra... Mi dicono "L'ha presa bene! Il figlio di un amico di mio cugino ha cercato di soffocarlo coi cuscini". Io in effetti lascio i cuscini in vista e noto che Puki sta poco a poco inserendo Franci ovunque, nei pensieri, nei giochi, nei disegni. Però vorrei tanto vederlo già sereno! Ok, vediamo il prossimo passo!
Eliminacome ti capisco.. io una bimba di tre anni e un bimbo di sette mesi.. i primi mesi sono stati decisamente faticosi.. frasi come "La mamma ce l'avevo io" o "sono di stufa di Simone" ti fanno pensare "era troppo presto? avrei fatto bene aspettare ancora un po?"... Poi la vedi che lo coccola, che fa "cucusettete" per farlo ridere e ti convinci che è stata dura, è dura e sarà dura ma sono la cosa più bella del mondo!!
RispondiEliminaSono certa che se avessimo fatto Francesca quando Puki era così piccino come la tua bimba avremmo avuto serissimi guai! Adesso è molto più autonomo che in passato e già, giustamente, si fatica lo stesso! Però sì, sono la cosa più bella del mondo!!
EliminaBellissima l'idea del labirinto, non preoccuparti so per esperienza, sono una nonna, che insieme ce la farete. Il condividere il sopportare, lo sbuffare infastiditi sono esperienza che fanno crescere, ed è bene che lo esprimano, così si aggiusta il tiro, e si trova un attimo come avete fatto voi.
RispondiEliminaL'esempio degli adulti è ciò che conta, i bambini ci guardano e ci imitano, l'amore vince sempre.
mamma mia che bel messaggio! Me lo rileggerò ogni tanto, sai? Grazie grazie grazie!
EliminaAd essere sincera io sto attraversando un periodo iperdepresso, al riguardo, con Tommaso in piena fase oppositivo-provocatoria, con pianti e tristezza a palate appena uno gli dice un no o interrompe i magici momenti di gioco-idillio (e magari uno li interrompe per andare a letto, mica per farsi i fatti suoi sul cellulare!!). I "si stava meglio senza Olivia" o - ancora meglio - "chiudiamola in un sacco e la tiriamo fuori quando è grande" sono all'ordine del giorno. E ieri sera ero qui alla scrivania a dipingere e piangere e chiedermi se portarlo da uno psicologo ( o in alternativa, andarci io). Boh... se ne uscirà? :(
RispondiEliminaSe ne uscirà. Di questo sono certa. O meglio: ne usciranno. I dubbi e le piccole grandi ferite resteranno a noi.Mi spiace tanto Francesca. Porcazzozza, non dovrebbe essere così tosta. Per lo psicologo mi sa che al limite toccherebbe a te, lui sta facendo il suo percorso. Sembra che non lo porti da nessuna parte, ma non è così. È tutto sano, normale. Per loro. Per noi molto molto meno. C'è poi il fattore età:
Eliminacredo che Fede non avrebbe davvero potuto gestire l'arrivo della Fra prima, quindi va bene così, ma ciò non toglie che gli anni di differenza che hanno, come per Tommi, siano per lui una bella fregatura. Non abbastanza grande da gestire la cosa, non più così piccoli da iniziare prima a giocare insieme e a interagire.
Come ne usciamo cara?
Il mio 'grande' adora la sua sorellina e guai a chi gliela tocca ma ogni tanto il "ma io non la volevo mica una sorella" è arrivato e credo arriverà ancora (purtroppo per i miei poveri sensi di colpa)... però c'è una luce in fondo al tunnel e ora che la piccolina ha 18 mesi inizia ad andare meglio, decisamente meglio!
RispondiEliminaGrazie per l'idea del labirinto la proveremo sicuramente
...e che labirinto!! Dall'arrivo della sorellina abbiamo passato 6 mesi e mezzo d'inferno - non altalenanti, no no, inferno punto e basta, non-stop! La mia dolce quattrenne si è trasformata in una iena a tempo pieno... e io di conseguenza in mamma-Hulk! perchè capisci e pazienti, pazienti e capisci... ma il tuo sistema nervoso ha pure un limite! E poi, quando avevo il numero dello psicologo già praticamente digitato sul cellulare (per andarci entrambe, come Francesca)... bon, fine. Tutto a posto, tutto ritornato alla normalità. E lo racconto a tutte le mamme bis, perchè per me è un'ottima notizia: POI PASSA!
RispondiElimina...ok, immagino ci saranno ancora alti e bassi, ma altrimenti ci annoieremmo! ;)
Ilaria
S "Cane e gatto, cane e gatto chi l'ha detto che non si può..con un gatto che fa bau è un cane che fa miao"!i miei hanno quasi 2 e quasi 4 anni...per cercare di mantenere gli equilibri con il grande la piccolina si è tirata su le maniche ed è diventata "autonoma" e intraprendente molto prima del fratello! A volte davvero anch'io mi rivedo nella mamma hulk nonostante tutti i mantra di autocontrollo, però poi succedono piccole cose che riportano la bellezza della scelta di vita fatta in primo piano:lei in auto ha freddo e lui le stringe la mano per scaldarla, lui si fa male e lei gli dà un bacino, lei piange e lui fa il pagliaccio per farla ridere...e ci riesce...però grazie per le condivisioni perché non è solo un "quando fuori piove", ma anche quando dentro piove,Tania
RispondiEliminaCiao Giada, ti seguo da parecchio tempo , sei fantastica! E ti dirò di più, questo post mi ha emozionata tanto, non sono (ancora!) mamma, ma adoro i bimbi e spero di lavorare con loro il prima possibile e soprattutto di godermeli appieno :-) . In queste parole hai scavato dentro, prendendo sempre più coscienza che ognuno di noi ha le proprie difficoltà ed è giusto affrontarle anche con i piccoli e tu lo fai con un mega entusiasmo da invidia a milioni di donne :-P
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